New Advice Column: Ask Anya

Image courtesy of Jen Collins via Creative Commons on Flickr.

I’m starting a new feature here at Better Than a Baby, and I need your help!

Over the years, many friends and acquaintances (and strangers) have come to me for relationship advice. Recently, several people suggested that I start an advice column.

Well, your wish is my command! I love answering questions about love, dating, and relationships. Today, we’re kicking things off with a question about the early stages of the dating process:

Hey Anya,

I just started seeing this guy named Cliff. We’ve been out on two dates now, and they’ve both been quite awesome. He is very handsome and sweet and smart, that’s for sure!

Here’s my dilemma. He told me he can often “work” an awful lot, and also told me some crazy stuff about his family/upbringing that I’m unsure of whether to feel worried about.

Should I be concerned/run away screaming? Or see how things play out?


Dear Sharita,

I’ve been in relationships where my guy’s job seemed to consume him. It becomes a problem for me when I feel like my man is putting more energy into his work than he is into our relationship.

However, I don’t think this is necessarily a red flag with Cliff. It’s possible for someone to have a very intense job but then, when he’s with you, to be completely focused and have lots of energy for you. If that’s the case with Cliff, I wouldn’t think it’s an issue. Time will tell.

As for his family history…Again, I’d say what matters is how those dynamics are affecting his behavior today. For example, if he grew up in an abusive home, but has done therapy and figured out his issues around that, he can still be very healthy in a relationship.

But if he hasn’t “done the work” around whatever the issues are, they will definitely pop up in all his relationships–romantic and otherwise.

Good luck and keep me posted!

Warm regards,

Got a question about love, dating, or relationships? Send it my way:!