Most people approach dating with a scarcity mentality.
In this mindset, we’re focused on a perceived lack of available partners, or the one we wanted who was taken or who didn’t want us back. We are tormented by jealousy for our friends who have found someone.
We see love as a zero-sum game, where if someone else is winning, we must be losing.
An abundance mentality is the opposite, and more useful. It means believing that there’s enough love to go around. That there are plenty of wonderful people out there to desire and be desired by.
As the Yiddish expression says, “There’s a lid for every pot.” Even if we’re weird, unconventional, flawed–which is to say, human and interesting–there’s a match out there for us.
I’d venture to say that every pot has several lids. They may be made of different materials, heat up to different temps, and be decorated differently. But they all fit.
Why do we get trapped in a scarcity mentality? It can happen because we grow up deprived–whether of money, security, respect, or love.
It can happen because we get tired of the chase, the hunt, the love safari, and don’t know how to re-energize ourselves.
But the abundance mentality is worth cultivating. The universe responds generously when we express our own generosity–whether to others or ourselves.
Here are three ways to grow an abundance mentality:
- Make your Top 5 list of people who make you happy. Could be friends, family, or coworkers. Then drop them an email or shoot them a text telling them they’re awesome.
- Write a paper letter to someone you’ve been out of touch with. Ask about their life and tell them a couple of good things going on in yours.
- Be brave enough to admit to optimism.
What do you think about scarcity and abundance?